Hello there, thanks for stopping by again!
This week was really tough. I’m not going to lie and pretend it wasn’t, I want to be completely honest and up front about it. This was the first time during the challenge where I’ve mentally broken down and wanted to give up. I cried. Boy, did I cry! I would never act on the way I was feeling and literally give up, but mentally my brain got up, packed it’s bag and walked out, slamming the door as it left.
I don’t know what it was about this week that made me feel like this, it started out just fine, but as the week went on, I started to freak out and allowed the thoughts of self doubt to creep in my head. I was panicking about my weight, I felt as though I wasn’t losing enough and my weight seemed to have stalled which scared me. I’m so determined to get to my goal that I was freaking out that I wouldn’t get there in time. I couldn’t focus on anything other than my weight and was obsessing about it at every opportunity. I was also feeling angry and tired of not being able to join in on things like the cakes and lunches at work. I was tired of feeling left out. Also, I wanted cake. Even though my brain had abandoned me momentarily, I’m thankful that I stayed strong and kept to my nutrition. I know I would’ve been upset with myself if I had given up and gorged myself. You know what they say, “a moment on the lips, a week of feeling guilty and ashamed” (No? Just me maybe?).
I was at the gym (alone, thankfully) doing my weights one night when I caught my reflection in the mirror. Seeing my flabby, pudgy midsection disappointed me so much that I burst into tears. I had a good cry for a couple of minutes, stopped feeling sorry for myself and got on with things. I started thinking that I should just give up on my goal because there was absolutely no way I was going to make it by the 12 weeks. It took me most of the week, but I got to the point where I had to accept the fact that maybe I won’t make it to my personal goal by the end of the 12 weeks. Maybe I’ll be just a couple of kilos under that. If that happens, that’s ok. It’s still an achievement even if I don’t get the exact number I wanted. I had to start focusing on what I have achieved as opposed to what I might not achieve.
Thankfully by the end of the week, with the support of some awesome people at Krave, I had talked myself off the ledge and focused my mind back on my goal, ready for the challenges that the next few weeks will bring. Regardless of if I make it to my goal or not, that’s what I’m aiming for and it’s what I want. I’m cakeless, angry and determined. I’m not going to give up on it.
Things I have learnt this week:
- Breaking down doesn’t make you weak, if anything it helps you find the strength to fight harder.