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Kylie’s 12 Week Journey – Week 8

kylie-week-1

Hello there, thanks for stopping by again!

 

This week was really tough. I’m not going to lie and pretend it wasn’t, I want to be completely honest and up front about it. This was the first time during the challenge where I’ve mentally broken down and wanted to give up. I cried. Boy, did I cry! I would never act on the way I was feeling and literally give up, but mentally my brain got up, packed it’s bag and walked out, slamming the door as it left.

 

I don’t know what it was about this week that made me feel like this, it started out just fine, but as the week went on, I started to freak out and allowed the thoughts of self doubt to creep in my head. I was panicking about my weight, I felt as though I wasn’t losing enough and my weight seemed to have stalled which scared me. I’m so determined to get to my goal that I was freaking out that I wouldn’t get there in time. I couldn’t focus on anything other than my weight and was obsessing about it at every opportunity. I was also feeling angry and tired of not being able to join in on things like the cakes and lunches at work. I was tired of feeling left out. Also, I wanted cake. Even though my brain had abandoned me momentarily, I’m thankful that I stayed strong and kept to my nutrition. I know I would’ve been upset with myself if I had given up and gorged myself. You know what they say, “a moment on the lips, a week of feeling guilty and ashamed” (No? Just me maybe?).

 

I was at the gym (alone, thankfully) doing my weights one night when I caught my reflection in the mirror. Seeing my flabby, pudgy midsection disappointed me so much that I burst into tears. I had a good cry for a couple of minutes, stopped feeling sorry for myself and got on with things. I started thinking that I should just give up on my goal because there was absolutely no way I was going to make it by the 12 weeks. It took me most of the week, but I got to the point where I had to accept the fact that maybe I won’t make it to my personal goal by the end of the 12 weeks. Maybe I’ll be just a couple of kilos under that. If that happens, that’s ok. It’s still an achievement even if I don’t get the exact number I wanted. I had to start focusing on what I have achieved as opposed to what I might not achieve.

 

Thankfully by the end of the week, with the support of some awesome people at Krave, I had talked myself off the ledge and focused my mind back on my goal, ready for the challenges that the next few weeks will bring. Regardless of if I make it to my goal or not, that’s what I’m aiming for and it’s what I want. I’m cakeless, angry and determined. I’m not going to give up on it.

 

Things I have learnt this week:

 

  • Breaking down doesn’t make you weak, if anything it helps you find the strength to fight harder.

1 Comment

  1. Deb says:

    Breaking down definitely isn’t a failure. You are on such an emotional, amazing journey, and weeks like that one have to be expected. You are doing an incredible job. And the fact that you kept going, in spite of how you were feeling, just shows your determination. I’m so proud of you.

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